Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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