if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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