just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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