you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
