Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
