He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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