At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
