laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
