i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Come share oat with me in your robe
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
