Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think my fart just growled at me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
