I think I died a long time ago.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
