dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
