i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
