im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
