what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
