think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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