I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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