youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
