Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
