I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
