How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
