I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
