I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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