the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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