So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
