dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
