that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
