Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
