Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
