Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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