My balls are so social today.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
