My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
