Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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