the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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