Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
