In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
