and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
