I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
