They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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