I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
