Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
only if we run a train.
done.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize