We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
