He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Two words: blizzard sex
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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