Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
