Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
