This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
