honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
