it was like his penis was on wheels.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
