Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize