Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
