the condom got lost in my hair
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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