I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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