I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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