she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
