just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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