Porn is love you can see.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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