Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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