i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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