Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
