The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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