That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize