Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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