and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
