I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
