he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I FOUND THE LEGS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
