Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
