I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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