We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize