Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
